Listening

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell my why I should feel that way you are tramping on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen - not talk or do. Just hear me.

Advice is cheap. A quarter will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works sometimes for some people - because God is mute and He/She doesn't give advice or try to fix things.

So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn and I'll listen to you.


Beyond Sympathy by Janice Harris Lord